


Lovely Rain

by Emilyisarat



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 12:23:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18334472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilyisarat/pseuds/Emilyisarat
Summary: Five boys fresh out of high school with a Florida beach house all to themselves and all Miles has on his mind is Alex.





	Lovely Rain

(Miles' POV)

I feel it all. I feel the wind rip through and tousle my hair. I feel the small drizzles of rain hit my face. I feel his hand in mine. His hand. Dark, doe eyes, a sharp jawline, full lips. I can feel him. But he's not here. He never will be. I never want him to be.

A small crush turned into what I think is the end of the world and I don't even know if I want it any other way. He thinks I'm nice. He thinks I'm just quiet and shy. Little does he know I only stay silent around him because I'm thinking about what my life would be like if he were to be a significant part of it. I wish he saw me as a potential lover instead of a friend. I don't want to be friends anymore. He's too perfect for that.

Waves nip at my bare feet and my throat is sore and raw. I just keep yelling into the ocean, waiting for it to yell back. I want a sign. I want something to tell me what to do. God only knows I can't make up my mind on my own. Tears steadily run down my cheeks but I pay no mind to them, letting them fall where they please. I feel a firm grip on my shoulder and it makes me jump.

"Miles! Come inside! It's fucking freezing out here." Jamie tugs at my arm towards his grandmother's beach house. A large group of us asked ever so politely if we could have it for the summer and since she's such a nice lady, she wholeheartedly agreed. Needless to say, we trashed it already and we're only a week and a half into the holiday. I haven't taken part in much of the partying though.

I almost didn't join them when I found Alex Turner would be coming. I didn't think I could handle being around him constantly for that long and somehow not letting it slip that I've been completely and utterly in love with him. I've done alright so far, but as I've mentioned we're only a week and a half into the summer.

Hopefully Jamie didn't hear me screaming ar the waves. He probably did considering he was out looking for me. We silently walk through the sandy trails in the steadily growing rain. I'm afraid to speak. I know he'll make me spit out whatever's eating away at me. I'm not too fond of that idea.

Soon enough, we're inside and he's wrapping a blanket around my small frame. The rest of the guys are loudly joking around in the livingroom, but I ignore them and walk straight up to the room I claimed as my own with tears in my eyes. I make no attempt to change out of my soaked clothes as I sit down on the floor and stare at my hands. What now?

Slowly, my door creaks open and Jamie appears with a worried expression written across his features. He closes the door behind himself and sits down next to me. I lean my head on his shoulder to let him know he's done nothing wrong. Hopefully he understands my gesture.

"Everyone was wondering if you wanted to come down and watch a movie with us." He hints but I just close my eyes, take a deep breath and sigh loudly.

"I think I'll just stay up here for the night." It's usually unlikely for me to refuse hanging out. I'm normally a warm and inviting person or I at least try to be. Something about Alex barely knowing who I am just causes me to shut in on myself though. I can't deal with it.

"What's going on with you lately, Mi. You're not usually like this." I know I've been out of character, but hearing Jamie vocalize his worry crumbles me completely. I'm so tired of keeping this up. It weighs so heavily on my chest all the time and I need to tell someone but I can't. I shouldn't.

But the way Jamie looks at me with the upmost concern, it tumbles out of me as if it's broken the leashes it's been trapped in for years. Tears fall for the second time in this hour and I cover my face with my hands. There's more than just him knowing about my hopeless crush on the line here. It's not like he know's I'm gay. I wasn't planning on him ever finding out either.

"You can't let him know." Is the first thing to slip past my lips almost in the form of a bone wracking sob. Jamie grabs my wrists and attempts to pry them away from my face. I try to keep them there, but he's a lot stronger than I am.

"I can't let who know what?" He asks firmly. His eyes are wide and he's probably having a hard time believing I've lost my composure. I've been friends with him since I can remember and he's maybe only seen me cry four times, all when I was below the age of nine. You could only imagine his shock to see me in this state.

"Alex." I sniffle and avert my teary eyes. It's coming. He's going to know everything. No more secrets or lies. Everything will be out on the table for him to see clearly. I'm not ready. Anxiety runs through my veins in the worst way possible. I'm not ready. Not even close. This has to be done though.

"What? What do you mean?" The confusion and impatience is clear on his face as I toy with the idea of just going silent and not telling him anything. He already knows this has something to do with Alex now though, and what's going to stop him from asking him?

"I-I... he-" I take a deep breath and let it go. "I've been in love with him for the past three years." There it is. Jamie's mouth forms an 'O' and his eyes widen in surprise. He doesn't talk for a few minutes. Instead he pulls me into the tightest hug I think I have ever received. I continue to sob quietly over his shoulder as he rubs circles into my back. 

"You didn't have to keep it in you that long." He whispers and I can hear the smile in his voice. "You know you're my best friend no matter what." A smile breaks out onto my own face and I finally know everything will somehow end up okay. Alex is still in the back of my mind, screaming at and taunting me. I try to pushe him back and ignore it. It never works though.

"Let's go watch a movie."

***

It's been a full three days since my rather tearful discussion with Jamie. I still don't include myself in the groups activities. Matt and Nick are just now starting to realize the difference in my behavior and keep hinting that I should come down and socialize, but I just politely decline and keep to myself.

Tonight though, the rain has let up and everyone came to the decision that we should have a bonfire. I couldn't get out of it, so I'm helping Nick collect firewood for tonight. We keep joking around and we've probably been trying to cut the wood for nearly two hours, but it's the most I've smiled and laughed since I've got here.

"So then he fucking slapped me! Like a girl! I was so surprised that I just didn't do anything!" He howls as he takes another sip from his beer bottle. We're taking a break because the midday heat is getting to us. I laugh at his overly animated story telling and shade my eyes from the sun.

"At least you knew she had a boyfriend before you slept with her." I say dryly and wince at my own memories of getting the shit kicked out of me. This all happened before I came to the consensus that I was gay, of course.

Nick gasps and nearly spits out his drink. "Miles you naughty boy!" I snort out a laugh but our conversation is soon interrupted.

"What in the bloody hell is taking you two so long?" Alex jokingly asks from the dirt trail. I immediately sit up straight and all traces of a smile on my face are gone. I don't know why I get like this around Alex. He just makes me so nervous.

"We're just enjoying a bit of nature mate. Care to join us?" Nick asks and I begin to pray to a God I don't even believe in that Alex won't accept. Nothing ever seems to go my way though.

"Don't mind if I do! So what was this I heard about Miles being a naughty boy?" He sits down and a cheeky grin takes over his features. I blush a deep red colour and try to look anywhere but at him.

"Miles here slept with a bird with a boyfriend." Nick pats my back as he speaks and a laugh bubbles up from Alex's chest and escapes past his lips. I want the ground to swallow me whole in this very moment.

"Didn't take you as the type for that." He nudges me with his elbow and I just let the situation unfold. This is so humiliating and I don't even know why. I've always been able to talk and joke about these things with the rest of the guys but Alex is different. I don't want him to see me like this.

"It's not like I knew she had a boyfriend. And trust me, I definitely had to pay for what happened. That guy broke my nose." I say quietly as I stare at the dirt and twigs on the ground. Slowly, I wrap my arms around myself as an attempt to hide whatever he's looking at on me. "I'm gonna finish chopping the wood."

He looks sad and disappointed as I get up and make another attempt at getting firewood. I'm not strong but at least I can try. Nick ends up trying to help me again, but Alex is the only one who succeeds in the task that shouldn't have been that difficult.

The walk back to the beach house is tense but Alex keeps cracking jokes every once in a while to keep things as light as possible. We're red faced and sweaty when we get back, but our arms are full of firewood and Jamie and Matt are happy.

The sun is beginning to set and for once, I actually feel sort of okay. Jamie runs around trying to find graham crackers to make smores and I'm trying to start the fire. I didn't know it would be this hard, but I'll figure it out eventually.

"D'you need help with that?" Again, Alex Turner has to interrupt me from my thoughts. I jump and drop the lighter into the ash in the firepit before blushing at my stupid actions. He just snickers and grabs it before setting up the wood differently. It lights quickly and it's not too long before everyone makes their way to sit around it.

I sit between Jamie and Matt with a blanket wrapped tightly around myself. Alex and Nick sit across from us and are having some sort of friendly argument. I don't pay too much attention to it until Nick runs inside and comes back with a guitar.

"Play us a song Turner." He smirks. Alex looks out of his element for a few moments, but quickly composes himself and reaches for the guitar.

"Only one. Will you fuck off after?" He asks with a hint of joking annoyance laced in his voice as he strums out a few chords.

"If you play well enough, yeah." Nick jokes. Alex roles his eyes and plays a song he must have been working on earlier. The whole house can usually hear him wailing out his own lyrics every few days when an idea comes to him. I heard him yelling out the climax of this song yesterday, but it sounds a lot better when he plays it like this.

The song is called Suck It and See. The words are quite beautiful if you can get past the title and chorus I guess. His voice and the outdoor ambience adds a lot to it and I almost find myself wanting to sing along with him during the final chorus. His eyes catch mine and he smirks daringly as I look away. I swear he just wants to fuck with me sometimes.

When he puts the guitar down, we all clap. He rolls his eyes and reaches for the bag of marshmallows, popping one into his mouth. Jamie tells at him for it, saying that they're just for s'mores, but Alex just eats another one anyways.

"So I'm thinking we'll all head to town tomorrow to pick up groceries and stuff like that. I forgot how much you guys all eat." Jamie let's out a fake sigh as he pokes a sharpened stick through a marshmallow and holds it over the fire. Matt snatches the bag before I have a chance to, and then Nick.

By the time they're all done, there's no more left. I don't really mind because I've never been big on desserts as sweet as s'mores. Alex sees it as an absolute crime though.

"Why didn't you lot give one to Miles?" He asks as he furrows his eyebrows in a hurt way. I don't want him to feel hurt for me, but I will say it's cute that he wants to stand up for me. I just try to keep my attention on something else as he fights for my right to a s'more.

"You ate like three, mate." Nick complains and Alex stops after that. Or so I thought. Next thing I know he's standing in front of me holding out a s'more. I look up to his face to see a hopeful and determined expression.

"No thank you." I politely decline with the smallest smile I can manage to muster up. His expression falls slightly but he stands firm. Jamie keeps nudging my side and Matt is just ignoring the interaction. Nick is just watching intently from his seat across the firepit.

"Just take the s'more." Jamie pushes and I shake my head. "Take the s'more." He's relentlessly pushing my shoulders now but I keep shaking my head. I don't want the s'more.

Suddenly, Alex sighs angrily and throws it into the fire. "What the fuck is your deal? I don't know you well but I know you don't act like this with the rest of them. Do you hate me? I don't know what the fuck I did but I'm tired of trying to be your friend!" His words feel like they hit my heart at high speeds and I try my hardest to stop myself, but tears are forming in my eyes and everyone is staring at me.

"I'm going to bed." I mumble shakily. Alex's eyes are wide in bewilderment as if he can't believe he actually yelled at me. I don't really blame him. I've been quite moody and downright rude towards him this whole holiday so far. It doesn't mean that I'm going to man up and take his words in without crying like a child though.

No one follows me and I'm thankful. I don't go to bed. I don't even go back to the house. My bare feet sink in the cold sand as I step onto it. Everything finally slips out of me but I don't make a sound. I don't cry, I don't yell, I don't sing... I just exist. He hates me now. What a dry letdown for what could have been an epic love story. Who am I kidding. This was due to happen ages ago.

All I can think to do is grab at my cigarettes and that's what I do. Why didn't I just take the fucking s'more? It was just a s'more. It wasn't to me though. That was a friendship offering. I don't want his friendship though. I loathe it. It makes me feel like I lost because it could be so much better.

I sit down on the sand and just gaze out to the water as I chainsmoke. Someone sits next to me but I don't even look at them. I know it's probably Jamie.

"I think I'm gonna get a ticket back to London tomorrow. I think 't would be better if I just went home." I say barely above a whisper. The waves nearly drown it out but Jamie hears it. Except it's not Jamie beside me.

"You don't need to leave just because you hate me." Alex says as he tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. Of course he's here. My attention goes from the sea to the man next to me. His face is red and he's breathing a little heavily as if he ran here.

"I don't hate you." If only he knew how far from the truth he was. I could never hate him. He's Alex, the boy I fell for in my second year of high school and still have not gotten over now in the summer of my senior year. I've graduated. I'm to old for crushes like this.

"Why do you always act like you do then? I try so hard to figure you out, but you just keep getting further and further away from me. The only thing that seems like a sure bet is you hating my guts." He explains and I just stare at him dumbfounded. I guess I do give off that vibe to someone who doesn't know the inner workings of my mind. I feel like even more of a shitty person than before now.

I stare at Alex and he stares back at me. The mix of desperation and exhaustion are clear in his eyes and I suddenly feel sick. He has to know. I have to tell him. This isn't like telling Jamie though. This is so, so much worse.

I sigh as I look at the sea one more time before turning my body to face him. The confusion is evident on his face before I lean in and press my lips to his. My eyes are squeezed tightly shut and he doesn't move his lips at all but I feel as if the butterflies in my stomach have been shaken.

I pull away and stare at the waves again so I don't have to see his reaction. "What-What was that?" He asks and I pull my knees to my chest as if the smaller I make myself, the more likely it is for me to disappear.

"Three years." Is all I say. I still don't think he gets it because I can basically hear the cogs in his brain turning. It's all the justification that action needs in my mind though. I'm just surprised I haven't left him here to figure it out yet.

"Miles. What do you mean?" He asks slowly. There's an impatient edge to his voice and for a second I'm worried that he's going to yell at me again.

"I've been in love with you for three straight years." I blurt out, but look at him this time. His jaw hangs open and his eyes are wide. I light another cigarette and drink in his appearance because this is probably the last I'm I'll be seeing him for a little while. 

"I-I don't know what to say to that." He stammers and blinks fast. It's not like I expected him to handle this well. I stand up and throw my half finished cigarette away. My throat hurts anyways.

I always thought Alex knowing was going to be the end of the world, but I'm surprisingly okay with how this is unfolding and I don't even think Alex wants to be my friend. If growing up is realizing how immature you are, I think I'm doing it.

"I'll see you around maybe." I won't. I'll make an effort not to. I've completely embarrassed myself in front of all of my friends and no one else is to blame except for me.

"Miles wait up!" Alex calls after me and runs through the dark path to catch up. I didn't really get all that far away from him though so it took a lot less time than I think I would have liked it.

Suddenly I'm being turned around and a pair of lips I thought I would only have the honor of kissing once are on my own. He's an amazing kisser when he actually kissee back. Good to know.

"Thank God you feel the same." 

A drizzle starts but it doesn't bother us too much as I reconnect out lips.

Lovely rain.


End file.
